


Telephone Scatologia

by tinkertoysdamn



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: M/M, Phone Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-06
Updated: 2013-04-06
Packaged: 2017-12-07 16:51:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/750803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinkertoysdamn/pseuds/tinkertoysdamn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Answer to a prompt on two memes: <a href="http://capkink.livejournal.com/810.html?thread=1248298#t1248298">capkink</a> and <a href="http://norsekink.livejournal.com/3415.html?thread=8060759#t8060759">norsekink</a>.  Loki, being a picture-perfect God of mischief, introduces Cap to phone sex.  Hilarity ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Telephone Scatologia

It was a beautiful day.There had been no emergency calls and most of the villains the Avengers dealt with on a regular basis were currently incarcerated.Seeing this as a golden opportunity, Steve Rogers decided that he would get some sketching done.As he puttered around his room, picking up supplies he thought about all the places he’d planned to go.

As it was, this story would have become very boring if Steve’s cell had not rung at that exact moment.“Hello?”

“Steve Rogers?”

Steve didn’t recognize the voice; all he could tell was that it was male. “Speaking.”

“What are you wearing?”

The Captain blinked in surprise.What sort of a question was that?“What?A t-shirt and sweatpants, why?”

“That white one?The one that stretches so tightly across your muscles?”

That was just creepy.“I guess.”Steve looked around in alarm.Was someone spying on him?“Who is this?”

“Do you not recognize my voice, Rogers?” the mysterious man on the other end of the line seemed to pout.“I’m hurt and after all that fun we had in Stuttgart.”

It took Steve only a moment to figure it out.Last week the Avengers had been forced to stop Thor’s brother from attempting to take over the world.Again.“Loki?”

The trickster sounded much too pleased.“Excellent, you do remember.”

“Well, you did try to kill me.”

“Yes and you threw me through a pillar.”

Steve felt quite indignant.“You were threatening to disintegrate everyone.”

“Good times,” Loki said.“Do you know how exciting it is for a mortal to actually be able to hurt me?”

Steve sighed, “I have no idea.”

“Let me assure you,” Loki said, his voice dropping into a pleased purr, “finding a mortal with the strength of a god is quite a thrill.”

Steve had no idea how to process that bit of information.“Uh, thanks.”

“Do you remember what I was wearing?”

Steve had always had a good memory, the serum just made it stronger.“Of course, the green armor and the horned helmet.”

Loki sucked in an excited breath from the other end of the line.“Oh, you do remember.”

“Loki,” Steve was just a little exasperated, “you wear the same thing every time we fight you.”

“Not the point.”Steve could imagine Loki’s hand flitter in a dismissive gesture.“Can you see what I was wearing, can you see it in your mind’s eye?”

Steve had no idea what Loki was planning, but he figured it was safest to just humor him.“Yes.”

“Now take off the helm and the jacket.”

Steve tried to visualize it.“Are you wearing the black shirt that goes under it?” Steve asked.

Loki chuckled, sounding much too pleased with himself.“Oh yes.”

“Okay, now what?”

“You are imagining it?”

Steve was tempted to call Thor; maybe he knew what Loki wanted.“Yes and I’m not sure why it matters.”

“We are in your room and I suddenly appear before you,” Loki said.

Steve nodded, not sure how he was supposed to respond to that.

“I stalk toward you, like a panther on the prowl.”Steve just rolled his eyes, what the hell was Loki doing?“My very presence pushing you toward the bed.”

That’s when things started to get strange.Steve could actually feel himself moving backwards without thinking about it.The back of his knees hit the mattress and he plopped down; startled at his own actions.

Loki chuckled one the other end of the line.“How is your current bedding, Steve?”

“It’s softer than what I slept on during the war,” Steve answered, not certain where the compulsion came from to do so.“I’ve never had a bed this nice.”

“Perhaps one day I will show you my chambers in my lair.They put even Stark’s hospitality to shame.”

Steve blushed bright red.“I think I’m going to hang up the phone now,” he said.

“Don’t do that, Steven.We’ve only just begun.”Loki’s voice was all persuasion and Steve could not move his fingers.“I trail my hand across your cheek, cupping that strong perfect jaw of yours.”

It was eerie, the sensation of something cool trailing across his face. 

“Can you feel it?” Loki’s voice was low, seductive.It would be so easy to give in to that voice.“My hands trailing down your body?Touching all that beautiful skin?”

Steve arched into the phantom touch, the gentle caress that sneaked up under his shirt, fingernails lightly scratching across his belly.It had been so long since anyone had touched him in just a friendly way but this—

Loki’s breathing was becoming heavy.“Yes, such a good soldier,” he purred.“Let me take care of this for you—“ 

That’s when Steve’s pants disappeared.He yelped in surprise, the spell was broken.“Loki, what are you doing?”

“Quick, tell me what sort of undergarments you’re wearing.”

Now Steve was getting annoyed.“No, I’m hanging up the phone, Loki.”

“Not yet!Tell me about—“

CLICK!

As Steve flicked the phone off, the door to his bedroom flew open.Tony and Thor burst onto the scene of the crime. 

“Is everything all right in here?I heard you screaming,” Tony said.He glanced down and noticed Steve standing there in his underwear, his tight underwear that Tony now seemed to be oogling.“Oh, well if we interrupted anything—“

“Loki stole my pants,” Steve explained, grabbing a pillow to cover his modesty. “Through the phone.”

“Really?” Thor asked, stroking his beard.“How did he accomplish such a thing?”

“I don’t know,” Steve shrugged.“He was telling me to imagine what he was wearing and then he started talking about taking my pants off—“

Tony’s eyebrows drew together with an alarming ferocity and his face turned a rather interesting shade of red. 

Steve was a little concerned about his friend’s blood pressure.“Tony, are you okay?”

Thor, on the other hand, merely looked amused.“Loki always did have the most creative ideas regarding courtship.”

Steve squeaked.“Courtship?” 

The other two Avengers ignored his distress and took out their cell phones.Seconds later, Steve was still being ignored in favor of apparently more important phone calls.

“Bruce, how do you kill a god?”

“Greetings, Jane Foster.Tell me, what are you wearing?”  
  
Steve just placed his head in his hands.Where was a Doombot when you needed one?


End file.
